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	<title>Elaine's Reiki Blog</title>
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		<title>Elaine's Reiki Blog</title>
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		<title>The Red Book, by Sera Beak</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/the-red-book-by-sera-beak/</link>
		<comments>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/the-red-book-by-sera-beak/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:38:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Great Books]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[  I stumbled across this book while in Penang this week visiting my parents.  My mother has a bigger library of self-help books than the National Library!  I could write a book on all the books she has   However,  this one, “The Red Book” by Sera Beak caught my eye because of the resources [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=32&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="margin:0 0 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Calibri"><img border="0" align="left" width="150" src="http://www.serabeak.com/images/redbookcover.jpg" hspace="10" alt="The Red Book Image" height="150" />  I stumbled across this book while in Penang this week visiting my parents.<span>  </span>My mother has a bigger library of self-help books than the National Library!<span>  </span>I could write a book on all the books she has <img src='http://s2.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' /> <span>  </span>However,<span>  </span>this one, “The Red Book” by Sera Beak caught my eye because of the resources at the back – I think one of the best summary list of spiritual books I’ve come across.<span> <br />
</span></font><font face="Calibri"><br />
Beak’s writing is also quite refreshing – written for the younger woman searching for answers, the book is an excellent introduction to those of us new to the whole ‘spiritual’ thing.<span>  </span>What I like is her constant reminder that the spiritual search is an individual one and not based on any doctrine or particular religion.<span>  </span><br />
As a result the book provides a wonderful summary of all the different types and religious beliefs as well as tips on how to make your own individual rituals, prayers, even altars!<span>  </span>It’s fun, funky and the resources at the back are a real bonus to get you going on all things divine.</font></p>
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		<title>Urban Enlightenment, staying calm in REAL life</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/03/14/urban-enlightenment-staying-calm-in-real-life/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:07:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Remembering Your Self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Yesterday whilst the kids were at school I fit in a Hatha Yoga hour, and Prana Meditation hour and a one hour ‘Yum’ Tibetan massage…should I have been totally zenned out and calm when I picked up the kids?  Oh yeh baby!  And should I have managed to drive the 30 minutes home without loosing [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=31&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="margin:0 0 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Calibri"><a href="http://elainegrundy.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/zen-chaos.jpg" title="zen chaos"></a><img border="0" align="left" width="326" src="http://elainegrundy.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/zen-chaos.jpg?w=326&#038;h=211" hspace="10" alt="zen chaos" height="211" style="width:271px;height:169px;" />Yesterday whilst the kids were at school I fit in a Hatha Yoga hour, and Prana Meditation hour and a one hour ‘Yum’ Tibetan massage…should I have been totally zenned out and calm when I picked up the kids?<span>  </span>Oh yeh baby!<span>  </span>And should I have managed to drive the 30 minutes home without loosing it and shouting at them?<span>  </span>Um, yes?</font></p>
<p style="margin:0 0 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Calibri">Oh no!<span>  </span>It took approximately 10 minutes for my darling children to undo three hours of ‘zenness’ with their squabbling, fighting, screaming and whining (granted this is 5 minutes longer than it normally takes me to unravel, but even so, a pretty poor ratio of ‘zen’ to ‘stress’).<span>  </span>I wondered what it takes to lead a calm and zen life in the REAL world of screaming children, uptight bosses and looming deadlines.</font></p>
<p style="margin:0 0 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Calibri">So here’s my theory on Urban Enlightenment and flowing through real world situations!<span>  </span>Firstly, it’s not about the amount of yoga, meditation, spiritual practice you do – if anything this lulls you into a false sense of ‘zenness’!<span>  </span>I was feeling all self-righteous and floaty when my children burst my bubble with even greater ferocity than usual because it is accompanied by the ‘oh my god, I can’t believe they ruined my perfect state!’<span>  </span>But let’s face it, if your children/ boss/ partner can unravel you that fast, you ain’t in Zen honey!<span>  </span>So by definition, you need to be able to maintain that sense of ease and flow no matter the circumstances, that can be <b><u>practiced</u></b> whilst sitting in Lotus – but can only be <b><u>realised</u></b> sitting in front of said screaming children/boss/partner.<span>  </span>That’s why they call it spiritual <b>practice</b>!<span>  </span>The Art of reaching calm meditation, the Art of lowering your blood pressure simply through breathing, or the Art of detaching yourself from the present chaos – these are all things you can practice in yoga, meditation, Reiki and other forms of spiritual practice.<span>  </span>However, the application is the vital step, this is where you put practice to action, in a real life environment.<span>  </span>When chaos reigns and you can maintain your ‘zenness’ – that’s living!</font></p>
<p style="margin:0 0 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Calibri">So how to achieve this?<span>  </span>Well, I think it comes down to making the practice a habit.<span>  </span>If I continue to do yoga, reiki, breathing, meditation and it becomes a daily routine then over time this spills over into my daily life.<span>  </span>I have noticed that as I do more ‘practise’ I get better at actually bringing up the feeling of calm whenever I need it.<span>  </span>In other words I am beginning to apply how I feel after Yoga or Reiki to everyday situations.<span>  </span>I think this is an important goal.<span>  </span>Often we think ‘ah, I’ve done my yoga so now I don’t have to think about how I act for the rest of my day – I’ve done my ‘zen’ quota for the day!’<span>  </span>NO!<span>  </span>The whole point of doing the yoga, the meditation, the Reiki is so that you can pull it over to the rest of your day, so every moment becomes a Zen moment and the quality of your life shoots through the roof!</font></p>
<p style="margin:0 0 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Calibri">Wow, imagine the kind of person you would be if you felt as good as you do after your practice ALL THE TIME!<span>  </span>Bring it on!<span>  </span>So lets try it…next time you feel your blood starting to boil, do some deep breathing, go back in your mind and remember how you feel when you are calm and relaxed and say to yourself <span> </span>“this too will pass”. </font><span style="font-family:Wingdings;"><span>J</span></span></p>
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		<title>What is Reiki?</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/03/07/what-is-reiki/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 07 Mar 2008 04:20:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Reiki Tips]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Reiki is a Japanese energy modality and means ‘Universal Life Force’ – REI and ‘Physical energy field’ – KI (as in the Chinese ‘Chi’).  In essence Reiki is the bridge between the physical energy in our body and the etheric energy surrounding us in the air.  Reiki energy works on the energy blueprint of an [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=30&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';">Reiki is a Japanese energy modality and means ‘Universal Life Force’ – REI and ‘Physical energy field’ – KI (as in the Chinese ‘Chi’).<span>  </span>In essence Reiki is the bridge between the physical energy in our body and the etheric energy surrounding us in the air.<span>  </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"><span></span>Reiki energy works on the energy blueprint of an organism, meaning the DNA memory and ‘design’ of an organism.<span>  </span>When a new life is formed, all cells in the new embryo contain ALL the information as to how the organism is to develop – whether a cell later develops into a liver cell, an eye cell, a muscle is already designed and forethought – the map is already contained in every cell and the general height, length, dimensions as well as structure is already predetermined right from the beginning. There have been several books written about etheric energy, the most comprehensive I know is Richard Gerber&#8217;s “Vibrational Medicine for the 20<sup>th</sup> Century” where several experiments are outlined and the layers of energy are explained in much more depth.<span>  </span>But suffice to say, in the beginning we have a map of essentially ‘who we are’, and after that it is our choice what to add in terms of beliefs, traits, experiences (and aches and pains!).</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"></span><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';">As we develop as humans we frequently think that ‘other’ additions are part of ‘us’.<span>  </span>For example we may develop a fear of flying and say ‘well, that’s just ME’, or you may blow your top easily and be negative or pessimistic and think ‘well I’m just a melancholy personality’.<span>  </span>Science and psychology seems to agree up to a point, that people are born with certain character traits and also certain personality profiles – but we also tend to take the limitations too far.<span>  </span>For many of us, the migraine, painful neck, depression, or suppressed anger is NOT ‘us’ but simply baggage and leftovers of past experiences we have yet to let go.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"></span><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';">So what does this have to do with Reiki?<span>  </span>In my experience, Reiki works at the etheric or blueprint level of healing.<span>  </span>The energy when it enters the body will harmonize areas of stress, tension, baggage left over from the past and not part of the original DNA Map.<span>  </span>This helps to explain why Reiki can be so quick and effective in some illnesses, and rather slow or even ineffectual on others.<span>  </span>Some of us are, unfortunately, born with DNA Maps containing genetic weaknesses and illnesses – and in general Reiki may not be so effective in these cases.<span>  </span>However, in cases where the illness has been developed over time, Reiki can have a major impact on healing.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"></span><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';">Concurrently, Reiki is also a very powerful healing for any kind of emotional ‘baggage’ whether it be grief, anger, sadness, or fear by providing a gentle release of such emotions, normally without major crisis or healing curves.<span>  </span>Reiki works by releasing trapped emotions in a very gentle way simply by harmonizing the negative impact and allowing the energy to be either released or reused by the body.<span>  </span>In this way, many people report feeling more peaceful, less stressed, and more content after a Reiki session or weekend workshop.<span>  </span>Reiki is a universal energy and as such is open to all – no matter the age, belief system, religious philosophy or background.<span>  </span>Reiki can be given to children, animals, plants and often with very dramatic results.<span>  </span>Reiki has been documented to treat a wide variety of different ailments from pain management, depression, broken bones, arthritis, cancer, and of course general wellbeing and improvement of the immune system.<span>  </span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"><span></span></span><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';">To get Reiki for yourself you need to be ‘attuned’ by a Reiki Master.<span>  </span>This means you cannot learn Reiki out of a book or by listening to an audio or downloading information from the internet.<span>  </span>The reason being is that the Reiki flow is not something learnt but is something ‘activated’.<span>  </span>If you imagine you are a Radio and you are currently playing at a certain frequency – perhaps you are tuned in to a pop station (hopefully you are not in-between stations listening to static!). <span> </span>A Reiki Master has been taught a method of ‘tuning’ that allows her to activate a new frequency in you, which effectively turns your Radio dial onto a new station so now instead of playing pop, you are playing Reiki classical.<span>  </span>This is not something you can do for yourself.<span>  </span>However, once you have been ‘activated’ or attuned the Reiki starts to flow automatically through your hands and you can use this flow to heal both yourself and others.<span>  </span>Again if I use an analogy, I would liken your hands to a 24/7 pump of energy that is available to you at any time for healing, relaxation, and stress relief.<span>  </span>Pretty cool right!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"></span><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"><strong>About Elaine’s teaching:</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';"></span><span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';">Reiki 1 is the foundation course for activating the Reiki flow in your hands.  This course is ideal for anyone wanting to increase their vitality and energy and reduce stress.  Reiki is so easy to use that it is ideal for lay people who are not familiar with natural health and methods of healing as it provides an excellent foundation for exploring other types of modalities.<span>  </span>The weekend is very experiential with exercises, practice and sharing of techniques and ideas.  Elaine teaches the traditional Usui method which requires no belief, religious bias or spiritual background.  Her approach is grounded and thorough and there is plenty of time to ask questions and explore Reiki for yourself.<span>  </span>Anyone can activate Reiki in their hands and after the course your Reiki is accessible to you for life.  This is a very interactive and relaxing course.  The weekend itself is a great healing experience and a wonderful way to take your health to the next level!</span></p>
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		<title>Training for Success &#8211; Deliberately Creating Success Makes It Inevitable!</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/training-for-success-deliberately-creating-success-makes-it-inevitable/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:50:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Life Coaching]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Society measures success in terms of tangibles: cash, career, condo, car. The outward trappings of ‘wealth’. But how would YOU define success? Lets say you had all the riches in the worlds, then what?• how would you spend your time? • what would fulfill you? • how would you want to feel on a constant [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=20&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Society measures success in terms of tangibles: cash, career, condo, car. The outward trappings of ‘wealth’. But how would YOU define success? Lets say you had all the riches in the worlds, then what?•	how would you spend your time?</p>
<p>•	what would fulfill you?</p>
<p>•	how would you want to feel on a constant basis?</p>
<p>Before you can achieve BIG dreams, you need to be who you want to be already. A top athlete wins races through already being a winner. Before he gets onto the starting block, he already has the ability, strength, agility, fitness and speed to win. Our dreams are the same, yet we approach them with the intention of &#8216;seeing what happens&#8217;. We set goals and sort of haphazardly wind our way towards them thinking that once we reach the finish line &#8211; then we will be successful, or not. With this sort of mentality, no wonder most of us fall short!</p>
<p>Think like an athlete. In order to reach your goals and be fulfilled, what do you need to be training for now? Only when you have mastered the running can you truly win a race.</p>
<p>What sort of training am I referring to? What is your measurement of success? What would you need in your life to be 100% fulfilled? Think carefully about this. We usually knee jerk with &#8216;more money&#8217;, or &#8216;more love&#8217; but quantify it. How much money, how much love will make you 100% fulfilled? We normally want money to DO something else. Perhaps we dream of being financially independent so that we can chase another dream &#8211; imagine someone gives you 1 billion dollars, what would you do with it? Perhaps you&#8217;d blow it on the condo and car and holidays&#8230;but then what? Deep down, we are not lazy people. Sitting around on holiday for the rest of our lives would kill us with boredom! We are, I think, all striving for something else, some inner journey.</p>
<p>For example, I measure my success by:</p>
<p>• How much joy I feel from my work – I want to spend my time only on things that I am passionate about, that means my family, my coaching, my community website, so I measure my success on how much time I spend doing solely those sort of activities.</p>
<p>• How much love I can give to others – this fulfills me, how much I can give relates to how in balance and how in tune I am with my own needs, when I am run down or doing things I am not passionate about I feel drained and I have little to give others, so it’s a pretty easy measurement of success!</p>
<p>• How content I am feeling on a minute to minute basis – I love feeling content! I want to achieve this on a constant basis, so I measure my success on how consistently I feel this during my day.</p>
<p>Training for success means you need to know your success criteria, and then spending a good part of each day doing just that.</p>
<p>Daily I think about these criteria, and daily I am tested. I have days when I feel terrible, or days when I yell at others instead of love them, or days when I can&#8217;t wait to finish my days work and get some respite. Every one of these days prompts me to ask myself how I can get back to my training regiment, tomorrow is another day. I DON&#8217;T ask myself &#8220;why did I fail&#8221;, or &#8220;why am I so hopeless&#8221;, or &#8220;why can&#8217;t I do this&#8221;. Eliminate &#8216;why&#8217; from your questioning if you can. Stick to &#8216;how&#8217; questions, they are much more empowering. Ask yourself &#8220;how can I increase my &#8216;success&#8217; score every day?&#8221;, or &#8220;how can I do things differently to increase the amount of success I feel in my life?&#8221;</p>
<p>The way I see it, if I keep training and focusing on my 3 success criteria, I will become more and more proficient. Imagine the space I will be in when I am 100% content, loving, and joyful. WOW! And as I progress, I am increasing that percentage every day, every year. So even now, I am already content, loving and joyful- not 100 percent but some percent, and I am consciously aware of the days and moments, so that brings me even more joy! Day by day, week by week.</p>
<p>Think of the alternative. Just say I had some goals (some races I wanted to win) &#8211; I wanted to become financially independent so I worked hard at a well paid job (that I didn&#8217;t really like, but hey! It pays the bills!) And decided to retire at 60 and then follow my real passion of coaching. I decided that all good things come to those who wait, so every day I went to work and did a job I didn&#8217;t like -justifying to myself that “when I&#8217;m 60, I&#8217;ll be happy”. It’s a scary thought that instead of having all these many years of growing success (contentment, loving others, joyful work), I could be waiting until I hit 60.</p>
<p>Some of the training will require big changes &#8211; perhaps you need to change your job, your relationships, your way of relating with others, your habits, your decisions. Sometimes you&#8217;ll simply need to be aware of your success criteria and make small changes. During one of my workshops, one of my participants shared that she loved watching sunsets, but never had the time. She reasoned that if she could watch just one or two beautiful sunsets a week &#8211; it would dramatically increase her level of success. What a fantastic realization, and so easy to do! Of course she would need to be firm &#8211; walk out the house and go to a place to rest and watch, perhaps face an annoyed and hungry family later etc. But it is barriers like this that cause us to wait for success in the first place &#8211; other people take over our lives, and we wait until we are 60 to reclaim what is rightfully ours.</p>
<p>Do the training, define your success criteria and just start doing it, little by little, day by day…you’ll be amazed at the results!</p></div>
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		<title>Happy Chinese New Year!</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/happy-chinese-new-year/</link>
		<comments>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/happy-chinese-new-year/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2008 05:10:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General Articles]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Happy Year of the Rat! I hope it is wonderfully prosperous and you receive lots of blessings in this fabulous year of 08! I love this festival and its arrival just after the Calendar New Year, for me it is a chance to review my New Year wishes and update them or refine them in [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=24&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/happy-chinese-new-year/rat/" rel="attachment wp-att-25" title="Rat"><img src="http://elainegrundy.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/rat.thumbnail.jpg?w=450" alt="Rat" /></a>Happy Year of the Rat!  I hope it is wonderfully prosperous and you receive lots of blessings in this fabulous year of 08!</p>
<p>I love this festival and its arrival just after the Calendar New Year, for me it is a chance to review my New Year wishes and update them or refine them in time for the Chinese New Year, a sort of second chance if you like!  I also take the chance to visit my dear friend Clarice to get my Chinese chart done &#8211; I love doing this as it is not only fun and enlightening, but also helps me sit tight and breath during particularly difficult phases in life.  The adage &#8220;and this too will pass&#8221; is perfect when combined with horoscopes &#8211; the knowledge that all of life is a cycle, and so there are seasons of Spring signifying growth, and seasons of Winter signifying contemplation and patience.</p>
<p>This year I am in search of <b>Peace</b>!  For those of you who have spent any amount of time with me, you will be laughing out loud right now <img src='http://s2.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' />   YES!   I am putting the challenge on the table, PEACE and with it the ability to focus on what needs to be done, to not be distracted by the 101 project ideas normally flying around my head, and to focus on the doing, and not so much the planning (or more aptly the dreamy procrastinating!)</p>
<p>I would love to hear what key word challenge you are setting for yourself this year!   Please leave me a comment&#8230;&#8230;..</p>
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		<title>I&#8217;m So Mad, I&#8217;m Going to Explode!</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/im-so-mad-im-going-to-explode/</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 28 Jan 2008 02:37:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Remembering Your Self]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Since becoming a mother over 4 years ago, I have slowly gone from &#8216;Average Drama Queen whose World Revolves Around Her&#8217; to &#8216;Raving Lunatic Mum Who Shouts Too Much and Hyperventilates&#8217;.I can see that my previous life of highly strung self-absorption was not going to be the best precursor to &#8216;Earth Mother&#8217; but neither was [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=21&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Since becoming a mother over 4 years ago, I have slowly gone from &#8216;Average Drama Queen whose World Revolves Around Her&#8217; to &#8216;Raving Lunatic Mum Who Shouts Too Much and Hyperventilates&#8217;.I can see that my previous life of highly strung self-absorption was not going to be the best precursor to &#8216;Earth Mother&#8217; but neither was I prepared to enter into the concept that I might actually end up on one of those &#8216;Parenting Nightmare&#8217; reality TV shows popping up all over the place. Yet here I am, writing about Anger Management, and speaking from painful (and as yet not fully resolved) experience.</p>
<p>So, here&#8217;s my take on Anger management and different ways of looking at the monster within….</p>
<p>1. Anger is just a symptom of a bigger problem, it is not the problem itself &#8211; and neither is the thing you&#8217;re getting upset about. So give yourself some slack and next time you blow your top try to step back and remember that there&#8217;s another issue going on under all this that is making you steam.</p>
<p>2. When you get angry its a sign that something is not right, either you feel taken advantage of, or you feel suppressed, or you feel out of control, or or or. But as a sign, this is a USEFUL thing, not something to shy away from. Its OK to <i>acknowledge anger</i> as a sign that something is up, you just don&#8217;t have to then go forwards with it and smash up the crockery.</p>
<p>3. Once you see anger as the sign or a symptom and not the enemy, then you can start digging for the real root cause. This has a lot of power. Instead of letting anger take you on its ride you can stop short and say &#8216;hey, I&#8217;m feeling angry, what&#8217;s up with that?&#8217; I know, sounds lame &#8211; but it works!</p>
<p>Here’s a classic example, sleep depravation. My kids don’t sleep – in fact I can count the number of full night’s undisturbed sleep I have had in the past 4 years on one hand, I’m sure many of you can relate. When I have had a particularly bad run of sleep depravation I wake up grumpy and I just know my day is going to suck. And so it does.</p>
<p>Now, if I have my wits about me, I can alarm bell myself and think “Ah, you’re just crabby because you are overtired. It’s not your fault and it’s not your children’s fault, it just is. And it will be better tomorrow”. It’s amazing how well it works. YES I still get cranky and have a short fuse, but I actually tell my kids this (they are only 4 and 2 but they get it), I even go so far as to say “Sorry if I’m a bit cranky and snappy today, I’m just tired”. Now, I’m sure some expert or other will tell me I’m doing a terrible thing, but to me and my kids I am outlining the real root cause of my anger – sleep depravation – and keeping watch that I don’t damage my relationship with my kids by making it their fault.</p>
<p>Understanding that the feeling of anger is simply an alarm bell for something else has helped me enormously, and it also helps me to disperse it. Watch your children for great examples of this! Last week we were away for a family holiday with another family with kids – by day 3 all the kids were screaming and fighting and hitting, utter chaos! I separated my eldest and we went for quiet time, whilst colouring I asked her to explain to me more about her aggressive feelings and why they were coming up. She said simply “I’m getting too excited”, when I asked her what she needed me to do to help her to calm down, she said “I’d like you to play with me by myself” I understood her to mean she needed some quiet one on one attention, she needed for things to slow down, and she needed a quieter environment. When all her needs were met, she calmed right back down and the fighting stopped.</p>
<p>When is the last time you really looked at your own unmet needs? Whether it’s more sleep, more quiet time, slowing down, asking for help – your anger is a symptom that somewhere your needs are not being met. Instead of taking it out on the children, your spouse, the pillow, why not say ’thank you for the warning!’ and get your needs met instead!</p></div>
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		<title>Unhappiness is a Habit That&#8217;s Hard to Break!</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/unhappiness-is-a-habit-thats-hard-to-break/</link>
		<comments>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/unhappiness-is-a-habit-thats-hard-to-break/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 28 Jan 2008 02:36:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Breaking Habits]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Unhappy responses have become our habit, and we have forgotten that we have a choice in how we feel. Accepting this simple fact is hard, I know. I can think of 3 main unhappy habits that cause barriers to constant happiness (I&#8217;m sure you can tell me more!)What are my 3 main unhappy habits? 1. [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=22&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Unhappy responses have become our habit, and we have forgotten that we have a choice in how we feel. Accepting this simple fact is hard, I know. I can think of 3 main unhappy habits that cause barriers to constant happiness (I&#8217;m sure you can tell me more!)What are my 3 main unhappy habits?</p>
<p>1. looking outside for comfort and happiness.<br />
2. thinking that happiness is a goal.<br />
3. using unhappiness as a tool for proving a point.</p>
<p><b>Unhappy Habit 1 &#8211; looking outside for comfort and happiness</b> (being a victim of external events)</p>
<p>Tragic events hit all of us in our lives, we cannot escape it. The question is, how do we choose to deal with it? Here&#8217;s a story to illustrate my point. Several years ago, a dear friend of mine died of cancer at a young age, leaving a young family behind. It was tragic, terribly sad, and I felt very upset for the family, as well as for the loss of such a vibrant friend. For a few weeks after the death, I woke up with a heavy heart and a feeling of sadness. In essence, I felt the event was making me sad.</p>
<p>However, I noticed that in the split second as I woke, before my brain got in gear, I felt normal (for me &#8216;normal&#8217; is light, carefree, content) then I &#8216;remembered&#8217; I was supposed to be sad, and instantly felt sad and heavy again. When I realized that my real self was quite happy, I immediately felt guilt &#8211; after all, you&#8217;re supposed to feel sad when a friend dies, and feeling &#8216;normal&#8217; was not how it should be. I also felt bad because the external tragedy should affect me more deeply, it should make me depressed. But in honesty, it was my &#8216;should be feeling like this or that&#8217; mind that was triggering my depression, and not my real self.</p>
<p>This is not to say I did not feel deeply about the incident, or that I lacked compassion. It just meant that I had more choice about how to feel than I had previously realized, and if I was honest with myself, feeling happy was a better way of feeling and allowed me to give more compassion to the family.</p>
<p>How many of us are playing this same game? Life and others tell us we &#8216;should&#8217; feel bad about this or that, or we &#8216;should&#8217; feel unhappy about our situation. But what happens to our energy if we choose to feel happy about it? It doesn&#8217;t mean we don&#8217;t change it, it just means we action from a place of strength (happiness) rather than a place of weakness (fear/ anger)</p>
<p><b>Unhappy Habit 2 &#8211; happiness as a goal </b></p>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll be happy when I get some sleep&#8221;, &#8220;I&#8217;ll be happy when my kids are less demanding&#8221;, &#8220;I&#8217;ll be happy when I loose weight&#8221;, &#8220;I&#8217;ll be happy when my husband starts to help out more&#8221;. What you’re really saying is, “I’ll be UNHAPPY until I get such and such…”</p>
<p>My favorite was &#8220;I&#8217;ll be happy when I get more sleep&#8221;. I was convinced that my moodiness was due to sleep depravation, and in truth it had a lot to do with it. However, when both my girls started to sleep through the night and I was getting enough sleep to be able to easily function, I was still feeling grumpy and frustrated! My new goal was “I’ll be happy when I start working again” and so on…</p>
<p>The important point to get here is that happiness just IS, it is in all of us already. <i>Goals are goals, happiness is happiness, don&#8217;t get the two things muddled up! </i></p>
<p>Goals are things we set out to achieve &#8211; they can often trigger happiness, but rarely sustain it for long. Happiness is something that exists without goals. I prefer to see happiness as the foundation &#8211; if you are already happy, your goals come from your passions and your inner purpose. If you are unhappy, your goals come from desperation. Which do you think have a higher success rate?</p>
<p><b>Unhappy Habit 3 &#8211; manipulating others and being unhappy to prove a point </b></p>
<p>Think of the last time you had a sulk with your partner, s/he triggered you in some way, said something that was mean or unfair. You responded by sulking/getting angry/ sullen silence/ tearful (you fill in the gap!) and the reason you did this was so that s/he got the message loud and clear that s/he had done something wrong. Nothing wrong with that, but is there an easier way, a more joyful way?</p>
<p>What if you kept your happiness and simply pointed out to your parter that what s/he had done/ said was mean/unfair and state the reason why. Do you have to sulk/ get angry in order to get the message across (and if the answer is yes, what does that say about the state of your communication and the honesty of your relationship?!).</p>
<p>We all play this game to some extent, the tough question to ask yourself is &#8220;is this the most effective way to get what I want?&#8221;. As Dr Phil says: <i>&#8220;do you want to be right, or happy?&#8221;</i></p>
<p>Did you respond to one or more of these habits of unhappiness? Habits can change, but in order to change we need to replace them with better habits. What would happen if we acknowledged that all we needed to be truly happy was to PRACTICE being happy? A leap, I know, but what are your barriers to this way of thinking? What if Happiness truly was just a habit….wouldn’t you want to choose it?</p></div>
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		<title>Self Love Includes the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/self-love-includes-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/</link>
		<comments>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/self-love-includes-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 28 Jan 2008 02:36:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Remembering Your Self]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[If you are a person who consistently marks themselves down, you will probably be able to list your &#8216;dark side&#8217; extremely well. When I ask for an equally long list of strengths, it will cause unrest, discomfort and embarrassment.The opposite is true for those who find it easier to list their strengths &#8211; especially if [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=18&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>If you are a person who consistently marks themselves down, you will probably be able to list your &#8216;dark side&#8217; extremely well. When I ask for an equally long list of strengths, it will cause unrest, discomfort and embarrassment.The opposite is true for those who find it easier to list their strengths &#8211; especially if you&#8217;ve done a lot of personal growth work! In personal strength work we are taught how to look at our strengths and to ‘embrace our power’ &#8211; this is great! But the danger is we side-step our flaws, we ignore them or push them under, and thus give them MORE power to hit us later.</p>
<p>There is a thought that whatever we react to strongly in life is a direct reflection of what we fear is true about ourselves at a deeper level. For example, if we hate judgmental people, then it means we fear we are judgmental. If we hate stubborn people, it means we fear we are stubborn. Things mirror us in life, and if we avoid looking at ourselves deeply and embracing our stubborn, judgmental selves, then we will always react to the outside mirrors with hatred and repulsion. Think of the number of times someone has accused you of something and you have recoiled in disbelief &#8211; but that&#8217;s how THEY are being! Not YOU!!</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve felt this way a million times! I remember having arguments with my dad when I was younger, he would accuse me of being stubborn &#8211; I couldn&#8217;t believe it because I was about to say exactly the same thing about him! Then later, I would watch others argue and accuse each other of being stubborn &#8211; and as a third party, it was obvious to see that they were both being stubborn &#8211; not one or the other was totally at fault.</p>
<p>If it’s not an inner weakness, you simply don&#8217;t react. Sometimes when I&#8217;m teaching, a student will say something that 50% of the class gets very upset about &#8211; they react &#8211; and 50% have no emotion but understanding and compassion. Why the difference? If someone says something offensive or judgmental &#8211; shouldn&#8217;t everyone react the same way? Well, if you are judgmental yourself &#8211; you will immediately see that trait in someone else. But if you are not judgmental, it seriously won&#8217;t bother you &#8211; you&#8217;ll wonder about where the comment came from, you&#8217;ll question their belief system, but you won&#8217;t get an emotional &#8216;I don&#8217;t believe they said that!&#8217; reaction.</p>
<p>When you accept your inner flaws a strange thing happens, their power over you diminishes. I am stubborn, I hate being wrong, I&#8217;m over-sensitive, emotional, fickle. When people accuse me of this, I still respond with &#8216;ouch!&#8217; but that is better than &#8216;NO, I&#8217;m NOT!&#8217; because I accept that I am, that&#8217;s me, and that&#8217;s OK. When I respond with an &#8216;ouch!&#8217; it’s a reminder that what they say is true. Then I have a choice to modify my behavior, to double check if there is a better way to be responding, or to simply acknowledge that what they say is correct. It’s hard to do, I still don&#8217;t do it well&#8230;but practice makes perfect!</p>
<p>Without even acknowledging our &#8216;dark side&#8217;, how can we possibly set out to change it?</p></div>
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		<title>What is Coaching and is It for Me?</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/15/what-is-coaching-and-is-it-for-me/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Jan 2008 12:08:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Life Coaching]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Coaching Creates lasting change. A Coach helps you to focus on what you want in life, helps you to plan, and finally put into action events that will get you there. A Coach provides the sounding board, the support, and the extra motivation to keep you on track. Most importantly, a Coach is always on [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=19&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div><b>Coaching Creates lasting change</b>. A Coach helps you to focus on what you want in life, helps you to plan, and finally put into action events that will get you there. A Coach provides the sounding board, the support, and the extra motivation to keep you on track. Most importantly, a Coach is always on your side.Changes usually fail because we lack <b><i>persistence</i></b>; it’s too easy to fall back on old habits and the way we&#8217;ve always done things. For change to last, you need to break the old habit and replace it with a new and healthier one. A Coach provides the encouragement you need to keep persisting.</p>
<p>When we change, all those around us have to change too &#8211; and this can be hard for others to support. When we are trying to break out of old molds, sometimes those we love most try to hold us back &#8211; not because they don&#8217;t love us, but because most people fear change. A coach is an objective yet supportive partner in your efforts to change, especially when you need to create a supportive environment beyond your friends and family.</p>
<p><b>WHO CAN A COACH HELP?</b></p>
<p>Anyone who is willing to apply themselves, and wanting to grow. My most successful clients are willing to be 100% honest about themselves, and willing to dig deep. They are usually very courageous, and take action.</p>
<p>Coaching only works when you are motivated to try new ways of thinking, and are open to feeling ‘uncomfortable’ as new habits are formed. People who respond best to coaching are self-aware, enjoy personal growth, and willing to be honest with themselves.</p>
<p><b>WHY COACHING WORKS</b></p>
<p><i>It’s a Partnership not a Crutch! </i><br />
A coach supports you, yet is independent. The relationship is equal, and respectful. Its not counseling or psychotherapy, the focus is always on what you want to achieve</p>
<p><i>There are Frequent Meetings and Structure.</i><br />
Goals and direction are set and weekly reviews are made. It is very motivating, and amazing progress is made! Having accountability means that new habits are much easier to form and keep.</p>
<p><i>Focus is Holistic.</i><br />
The aim is to strengthen all areas of your life and not just focus on the issue at hand. Life is much easier, and clearer, when in balance.</p>
<p><i>Better Goals are Set. </i><br />
You set the goals you truly want, and are ready for. Higher goals are set because of the support and affirmation you get from the coach.</p>
<p><i>The work is Deep and Meaningful. </i><br />
A coach helps you get to the source of what&#8217;s happening, instead of working on the surface symptoms. Coaches help you uncover the true issues at work.</p>
<p><i>You take Effective Action. </i><br />
The focus is on awareness and action to create the life you want more quickly vs. being &#8216;busy&#8217;. Actions are chosen because they will have a profound impact on your goals, not just to have a hefty ‘to do’ list.</p>
<p><i>The Law of Attraction is Applied. </i><br />
When you feel good about yourself, you begin to attract good things into your life, as opposed to chasing it or trying hard to get it. This is when you are in the &#8216;flow&#8217;.</p>
<p><b>HOW DOES A COACHING SESSION WORK?</b></p>
<p>A typical coaching session takes place face to face, or via telephone. Sessions are usually 45min to an hour. Conversations might centre around; What’s working and what’s not. Things you are currently stretching for and issues you would like to resolve. Any actions you are currently taking and actions you feel inspired to take in the future. Any barriers you feel resistance to and ways to overcome them.</p>
<p>Every session is focused on finding ways forward, not looking backwards.</p>
<p>Most Coaches offer free introductory sessions so that both Coach and &#8220;Coachee&#8221; can see if there is a good fit. When you talk to a Coach, have some goals prepared and see what sort of questions the Coach asks you, and whether you have a good &#8216;gut feel&#8217; about how the session went. Its good to shop around and talk to several Coaches&#8230;I always do!</p></div>
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		<title>Be Happy First, Change Your Life Second</title>
		<link>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/15/be-happy-first-change-your-life-second/</link>
		<comments>http://elainegrundy.wordpress.com/2008/01/15/be-happy-first-change-your-life-second/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Jan 2008 12:08:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>elainereiki</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Breaking Habits]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Do you think in order to be happy you have to improve your life, reach your goals, or change something? Actually it is actually the other way round. Once you realize you can be happy right NOW even with your life in total chaos &#8211; THEN change can occur, and will occur effortlessly.Focus on being [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=elainegrundy.wordpress.com&amp;blog=2523634&amp;post=23&amp;subd=elainegrundy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Do you think in order to be happy you have to improve your life, reach your goals, or change something? Actually it is actually the other way round. Once you realize you can be happy right NOW even with your life in total chaos &#8211; THEN change can occur, and will occur effortlessly.<b>Focus on being happy and the rest will follow.</b></p>
<p>Here’s an example: Imagine its 5pm. The kids are tired and hungry. They’re whining for food, for TV, for juice, for hugs. You’re tired and stressed out. You’re juggling the hot saucepan whilst trying to reason with your eldest who’s throwing a tantrum because you mixed her peas in with her carrots. You’re starting to panic because you’ve got company tonight and the house looks like a bomb hit it. Then your youngest throws his plate on the floor and splatters food everywhere. Pause….What’s your next response?</p>
<p>Throw a tantrum too?</p>
<p>Take a deep breath, laugh, or just relax?</p>
<p>Either choice…..what’s the consequence of each response?</p>
<p>1. By throwing a tantrum or getting exasperated you choose to escalate the tension. You get angry, you huff and puff whilst clearing up the mess, you raise your voice and feel uptight. Your children feel bad, mommy’s angry and it’s their fault, they get whinier still vying for your attention. Your spiral of anger and frustration increases.</p>
<p>2. By laughing, or relaxing you choose to defuse it. You release the tension in your body, your children get to laugh with you “oops, look what just happened, lets be more careful next time, ok?” The tension evaporates; you remember how wonderful your children are. The whining is exchanged for playfulness.</p>
<p>In both cases, you still have to clear up the mess and prepare the house for guests – but it is not hard to see which response will be more fun, and bring more happiness to you and your children. You are not the victim here, you are in control – you choose your response, no one else does it for you.</p>
<p><b>Happiness is a Habit!</b></p>
<p>No one says being in control of your response is easy! The key is to keep practicing your response. Simply practicing and choosing to be happy will have an immediate impact on your outlook. Try this exercise…</p>
<p>…think about an event that brings you great joy &#8211; a fabulous achievement, a wonderful holiday, the birth of your child, your marriage day&#8230;.anything that you can remember clearly as being a happy time. Bring up the memory again in your mind, close your eyes and fill your mind with the memory. Breath deeply into the memory, visualize it as clearly as you can with all your senses &#8211; what can you see, feel, hear, touch, smell. Can you feel the same feelings of joy and happiness? Because you can re-create it in your imagination, it means it is always available to you. Feelings of happiness come from WITHIN, not from without!</p>
<p>For the following few days, consciously remind yourself of this happy memory as often as you can (write post-its, pop-up email reminders, anything to keep you constantly changing your thought habits). Don&#8217;t just think of a person (eg. child, loved one) but think of an occasion with the person that was a happy one &#8211; its easier for your mind to attach an emotion to a particular incident, and easier for you to recall.</p>
<p>Take care to do this at a deeper level than simply thinking &#8216;I&#8217;m happy&#8217;! You need to remember the incident with your heart. For some of us it may mean creating &#8216;quiet time&#8217; for a few minutes every few hours. Try it every time you go to the bathroom!</p>
<p>Watch out for your inner self-sabotage, that voice that says”this is so fake!” and ask your inner voice “Why would you prefer me to feel angry?!” Some days you will prefer to feel frustrated or sad or angry – but this is your choice, even if you have the worst day in the world, you can still <b><i>choose</i></b> to remember a happy memory, or to submerse yourself in the negativity of the events around you.  These are <b><i>your</i></b> thoughts, choose the happy ones!</div>
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	</item>
	</channel>
</rss>
